Some advice makes me feel like a robot following their instructions to be human during conversations and suggested techniques to talk and gain confidence will just be rehearsed actions that isn’t the real me. At the same time I feel like I don’t have a personality so I’d gain one if I do change.
Short answer to your question … yes, it most likely would, if the change you are referring to is only a cosmetic change to your personality i.e. a cover-up.
Now, I will expand upon on how to avoid being inauthentic if you do change your shy, anxious personality.
I would like to start off my addressing your “shy, anxious personality.” Merriam-Webster defines personality as “the set of emotional qualities, ways of behaving, etc., that makes a person different from other people; attractive qualities (such as energy, friendliness, and humor) that make a person interesting or pleasant to be with; attractive qualities that make something unusual or interesting.”
Do you notice that it doesn’t say anything about being born with a certain personality and you have it for the rest of your life?
Being shy & anxious is a symptom of experiencing fear. Shyness is related to being uncomfortable or fearful in social situations due to not having the social skills to utilize.
Anxiety may be related to the shyness experienced in social situations, or it may be a symptom on its own. Shyness can produce anxiety in social situations. Then again, anxiety can produce shyness in social situations. Anxiety can occur at other times or seemingly not related to any identifiable cause.
You make comments about the “suggested techniques to talk and gain confidence” being just rehearsed actions that isn’t the real you. Its hard to comment not having seen the advice you are referring to.
It can be argued that everything that we do in life is a series of ‘rehearsed’ actions.
Assuming that the techniques suggested to you have value, I’m wondering how often and for how long you actually tried them for?
It has been said that a person needs to use the changed behaviour for some 21 days before a habit is broken and the new behavour becomes the norm.
I recall a saying years ago from Tony Robbins, who said something to the effect of “you aren’t going to change your ways to new ways until you reach the point that staying the same is worse than making the changes.”
Your personality isn’t static. It is dynamic, meaning that every life experience you have, every new lesson, whether good or bad, changes your personality. We are ever evolving.
You are worried about being inauthentic. That would only happen if you let it. If you take progressive steps to develop your personality, your values and beliefs will also change. As you become more comfortable with yourself, your authenticity will likely increase rather than decrease as you fear.
I’m not going to recommend topics or exercises for you, as that is the subject for another post.
Thanks for your question and good luck with building the new you!
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Working With Words: Adding Life to Your Oral Presentations
Rae A. Stonehouse is an author, speaker, and self-publishing consultant dedicated to helping others embrace constant improvement and overcome challenges. With over 40 years of experience as a Registered Nurse in psychiatry and mental health, Rae brings a wealth of knowledge and passion for self-development to his writing and presentations.
As a 25+ year member of Toastmasters International, Rae has systematically built his communication abilities and self-confidence to share his insights as an author and speaker. His self-help books and personal development presentations aim to have conversational one-on-one connections with readers and audiences.
Rae is known for his wry sense of humor and sage advice delivered in a relatable coaching style. After four decades as a nurse, Rae has rewired rather than retired, actively writing and pursuing public speaking. He strives to share lessons learned to help others achieve personal and professional growth.