As originally answered on Quora.com…
Disclaimer: I have Aspergers and ADHD.
I approached a girl at a party last night. I initiated conversation with her, but there were frequent awkward pauses. You see whenever she responded to my questions; my mind would go blank, I would reply “okay”. Also, I was drunk as well. What is wrong with me?
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Addressing your last question first “What is wrong with me?” Short answer … ‘nothing is wrong with you!” Your brain is just wired a little different than others. That doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong. However, it does present challenges that others don’t face in life.
Your opening question asks “Why do I find it hard to communicate properly?” Your Disclaimer provides your own answer. If you are looking for a cause for your difficulty communicating properly, combined with consuming alcohol, you have likely found it.
Social communication requires skill development. Alcohol, while in many cases decreasing inhibitions around social phobia, also impairs the ability to interact in a meaningful way.
Give yourself credit where it is due. You have taken a big step by engaging a girl in conversation and then questioning ‘how can I do this better?’
You provide that you have Asperger’s and ADHD. I’ve known many people with this combination but don’t consider myself an expert. I’m assuming that you are knowledgeable on both. Perhaps researching the subject of interpersonal & communication skills development, from the perspective of your diagnosis might be helpful in developing a personal plan to move forward.
One of the challenges facing those with Asperger’s is that they are not aware of many of the social clues and nuances that we use in every day communication. Having a mentor to work with you may be of benefit.
Thanks for your question!
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For further discussion on public speaking, speech development, communication skills and Toastmasters, visit the Live For Excellence Book Store for the following publications:
Blow Your Own Horn!: Personal Branding for Business Professionals
Power Networking For Shy People: How to Network Like a Pro
The Power of Persuasion: Mastering the Art of Influence
The Power of Promotion: Online Marketing For Toastmasters Club Growth
The Savvy Emcee: How to be a Dynamic Master of Ceremonies
Working With Words: Adding Life to Your Oral Presentations
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Rae A. Stonehouse is an author, speaker, and self-publishing consultant dedicated to helping others embrace constant improvement and overcome challenges. With over 40 years of experience as a Registered Nurse in psychiatry and mental health, Rae brings a wealth of knowledge and passion for self-development to his writing and presentations.
As a 25+ year member of Toastmasters International, Rae has systematically built his communication abilities and self-confidence to share his insights as an author and speaker. His self-help books and personal development presentations aim to have conversational one-on-one connections with readers and audiences.
Rae is known for his wry sense of humor and sage advice delivered in a relatable coaching style. After four decades as a nurse, Rae has rewired rather than retired, actively writing and pursuing public speaking. He strives to share lessons learned to help others achieve personal and professional growth.
To learn more about Rae and his approach to constant improvement, visit his website at Live For Excellence Productions or to learn more about his publications visit Live For Excellence Store
